wow.  I had forgotten about this blog.  I have just rediscovered it and I have so much catching up to do!!!

The procedure for my MS was a huge success.  I have been on my feet for more than two years now and I THANK GOD for that every day!!! I still deal with a little pain but it's nothing at all like it was.

I am not the same person I was when I last blogged.  I have met God in a whole new way and He has changed me dramatically.  I am learning and growing daily and I LOVE my life!!!

I want to share my story. I want to share how much God has done in my life and how much He wants to do in YOURS!

I look forward to the journey ahead of me, and I look forward to sharing it!!!

Too long

It's been a long time since I was here. The countdown to my trip to RI for my procedure is on, down to just ten more days. I am so anxious. Scared to death sometimes. I just want it over. I hope it does something for me, I want to do it, dont' get my wrong, but I am terrified of the procedure itself.

I'm so tired, all the time. i'd love to get rid of that and sleep like a normal person at night. I am tired all the time and can't sleep at night. Such a pain! More energy and way less pain would be SO NICE. maybe it will happen for me, who knows.

tomorrow is Sunday and i am not ready. Guess i should get into bed. I need to come here and pour my heart out soon. I need some release. I need a heart deep friend who doesn't pick and choose when to talk and when not to.

for now... goodnight!

Beautiful

I feel as though i am getting to know ME. The person that has long been buried underneath so much fear, so much belief that I was only safe, could only be loved, if I did what others expected of me or desired from me. I am beginning to wonder if I even have worked so hard at becoming what others want when it isn't necessarily what they want! A lot of thinking going on in my mind.

I found a new song tonight. I love the lyrics. I want to find this on a CD! It's called Beautiful, by Mercy Me.

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/beautiful-lyrics-mercy-me.html ]


Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

This really touched my heart. I will be listening to it, a lot. Till next time....

This is my song today. I love Michael W Smiths music to begin with, and this one... it reaches my heart!

The (physical) pain levels are high today. Music is ministering to me in every way. I don't know what I would do without music!

Footprints in the Sand

I just have to remember "it was then that He carried me". I want to feel His arms around me so badly. to hear Him whisper how much he loves me. I want to open up my heart and soul and flood myself with how much I am loved. I am GODs princess. What others feel about me, how others treat me... doesn't matter. I'm Gods girl.

I have to remember that. I just have to remember that.

:(

Touching the surface

It's been a very long day. My heart aches, I'm lonely. I'm determined too though. I can and will do what it takes to survive my life. if that means that some days I have to do more in a day than my body is able to do -- what is a body to do! I will take it easy on days that I'm able. Right now? it means a break. I'm going to read, play computer games, watch tv. I will do what must be done to keep my children cared for but outside needs are going to be put off. I need time for me and I am going to take it.

I miss my dearest friend. The one I depended on more than any other friend. I hope one day he misses me. I hope one day he comes looking for me.